When I was pregnant with my first, my husband and I went to all the classes and did all the things, like reading books, hospital tours and anything else we could get our hands on to prepare ourselves for bringing home a baby. Let me just say, in practice, NONE of it prepared me for actual motherhood, or even labor and delivery. I would say there is one exception to that statement, I took a breastfeeding class at The Breastfeeding Center, in Massillon. That class gave me actual useful information to better understand how a baby eats, but again, in practice, I still needed help. Lots of it.
Up 60 lbs from my normal weight and blissfully unaware of what my next few weeks would be like.
My water broke at home, on Christmas Day. I called my midwife and let her know. I did not have any contractions at that point. My midwife told me to just stay home for a few hours, relax, eat, take a shower and begin to get ready to come to the hospital. Because I was GBS positive, I would need to come to the hospital in a few hours to start antibiotic treatments. So, that’s exactly what I did. I finished packing any last minute things, ate some lunch and tried to relax. We called our family to let them know it was baby time, and my parents were on their way from Cincinnati.
At the hospital, at check in, they wanted to check to see if I was in labor. They had to run some sort of test to see if my water had actually broke (which I was sure that it had, but that was already several hours ago) and they hooked me up to a monitor to see if I was having contractions, which I was. They showed me on the screen and even said, “Oh, that was a big one!”, but I could hardly feel it, so I thought this is going to be a piece of cake if THAT was a big one.
Before things got “real”. Awww, look, I had my hair all done, you know, to look good for pictures. Bahahahaaaa….. silly momma.
So, as any woman that has given birth will tell you, the contractions got MUCH more uncomfortable and were coming every 1-2 minutes. I thought, ok, we must be close, the contractions were super painful and super frequent, I could hardly catch my breath in between them. But after a few hours of this, I couldn’t take it any longer, and I got an epidural. The epidural help immensely, but it was still no walk in the park. I labored all day, and all night, (18 hours to be exact), barfed a few times, maybe from the pain, maybe from the medication, and my body simply wasn’t dilating. I was still at 6 cm. Baby was starting to show signs of distress. My midwife and doctors decided it would be safest to do a c-section. A c-section? What? I mean, I agreed at that point, but this was not something I had really even considered. I was a young-ish, healthy and active woman, why would I not be able to deliver vaginally? Well, as it turns out, baby was turned the wrong way, sunny side up, as they say, which makes it really difficult for baby to make its way down the the birth canal.
So, by morning, I was prepped for surgery, which happened really quickly, and within an hour, I was sliced open and he was out. We were both safe, which is the important part, but man, I was traumatized.
I was a hot mess, but man, look at that perfect little guy.
You see, I had envisioned a smooth birth, as drug free as possible, recovering quickly, and going home as quickly as possible.
The only thing that prepared me for what the c-section might be like, was one of my favorite bloggers had just had a scheduled c-section and she wrote about it here https://www.thesmallthingsblog.com/2013/12/his-arrival-what-c-section-is-like-and/ Thankfully, I had that bit of information going into surgery, or I would have been totally blindsided. Sure, hers was planned, mine was an emergency and I had already labored for 18 hours, but the surgery part was pretty much the same.
Recovery was awful. I mean awful. I couldn’t even get out of bed to go to the bathroom without assistance, let alone get out of bed and pick up my baby. Did I mention my husband was sick during this whole process? Like drinking DayQuil straight from the bottle to keep from coughing all day/all night? I had to tell him to go home and get some rest and try to get better (also to try not to infect us with his sickness). So, I spent the first night in the hospital by myself and that was a mistake. I was exhausted, in pain, helpless, and I had to rely on the nurses for anything I needed, including getting my baby out of his bassinet to feed him. By the next night, I asked my mom to stay with me, which thankfully, she did. She was able to help me stay on top of my meds, change the baby, and get me anything I needed.
The days at the hospital are very foggy to me at this point. I was able to begin walking very slowly around the halls as the days passed. I remember seeing a lactation consultant at the hospital which didn’t help me at all, and at that point, I was already in a lot of pain. I remember it taking hours to be discharged from the hospital. I was exhausted and just wanted to be home.
Soon after getting home, I made an appointment at The Breastfeeding Center. I was already beginning to dread feeding time because it would bring tears to my eyes everytime I had to feed him. (Which is like a million times a day for a newborn.) My nips were cracked and bleeding. When my baby would spit up, there would be blood in his spit up. My blood. I tried nipple shields, they didn’t help. I tried all the lanolin and it helped a little, but my saving grace was the Medela Tender Care HydroGel pads, thankfully my mom saw them at the store and picked them up for me to try. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure my nips would have fallen right off. My appointment at the Breastfeeding Center was amazing. Betsy was so supportive, kind and understanding. Best of all, she showed me how to get a better, LESS PAINFUL latch. I had to make a few visits to see her and work with her on this, but it was really reassuring to see other new (and experienced) moms there that were in the same boat. If nobody has told you this, let me be the first to say it: BREASTFEEDING CAN BE HARD! Sure, for some women, its easy, but I’d be willing to go out on a limb and say for most women, it is hard. The breastfeeding moms of Northeast Ohio are so lucky to have such an amazing resource in Betsy at The Breastfeeding Center.
The other thing I want to mention is the emotional rollercoaster new mothers are on after giving birth. I had learned about the baby blues after giving birth, but man, that was tough. I was a mess, physically; belly sliced open, wearing giant pads for the bleeding (oh yes, you are still bleeding with a c-section), my nips feeling like they are going to fall off, with boobs engorged so much at times it hurt for them to exist. Now, on top of that my emotions are going insane? My mom’s Gramnesia (definition: when moms forget all the difficult parts of motherhood because they are now grandmothers) was already in full effect. She was trying her best to support me, but couldn’t remember having a difficult time at all after birth. Apparently her journey into motherhood was all rainbows and butterflies. My husband and his useless nips and ability to sleep all night weren’t much help either. I felt like I had failed my baby, I wasn’t able to give birth vaginally, had to take all kinds of drugs while in labor, and I was really struggling to feed him. He was getting enough milk, but I was constantly worried that he wasn’t. Oh, and I was exhausted. Extremely exhausted. Worried he would stop breathing in the middle of the night. Worried he needed more than I was giving him. As the days turned into weeks, and my body began to heal he developed colic. I didn’t know it was colic at the time, but he would cry for hours. Everyday. For months. That eventually all passed, but man, those first 3-4 months were rough.
What did get me through though? Supportive friends that could give me encouraging words about how breastfeeding was hard for them too. They could talk to me about what their baby blues phase was like. It made me feel a little less crazy and a little more normal. As supportive as a husband or partner can be, I truly think it’s important to have friends and family members that have been down this road too.
In hindsight, I think the best two pieces of parenting advice I received were 1.) breastfeeding can be hard, but you can (and should) get help! and 2.) be prepared to cry, a lot, for no reason. (This is known as baby blues, and it’s normal, but it if lasts more than a few weeks, you should talk to your doctor about it.)
I have been a mom for 7 years now, with 2 kids. I can tell you, I was able to have a VBAC with my second and the recovery from that was a million times better. Breastfeeding was still hard. I took myself straight back to the Breastfeeding Center with my second kid, because, different kid, different problems.
What was the best advice you received as a new mom?